(Warning: I'm very wordy, so you might want to grab a beverage and snack!)Suz and I started a series of emails a couple of weeks ago that led to the beginnings of this new blog. You know how it is, she commented on one of my posts, I commented on her comment and made a remark about not having any money, she wrote back that she didn't either, and pretty soon we were carrying on a conversation about LIFE. Not just life, but about how sometimes it sucks, how we never talk about THAT on our blogs, and how nice it would be to just zing off a post on those days when life.just.sucks, whether because of a leak in the radiator, an argument with hubby, no money for groceries, or
just because, and we have no one to talk to (because, well, some of us just don't
have anyone to talk to). Things we might not necessarily want our regular readers (who might include parents, kids or friends) to see or know about.
We talked a lot, in those emails, about how we're barely getting by, and yet we never write about it because nobody else does either, and we want our blogs to be happy places. After throwing the ball back and forth for awhile about starting a new blog where we could rant about things we don't talk about on our regular blogs, I wrote an email about
my rant always being about
finances, and
that is now going to be the topic of my first post here.
My story is that we are suffering financially, frighteningly so. That's the story for a lot of people, but there are so many different takes on the same story of not having enough money. Are you only suffering because you don't have enough money to go on vacation this year, or are you on the brink of bankruptcy or foreclosure? Are you cutting coupons to save a few pennies, or are you secretly going to a food bank? Are you a two-income blue collar family who's still barely getting by, or are you an upper-class family where both partners lost their job and you've plummeted to lower middle class? Are you a single mother who has always been on the edge and suffer anxiety attacks daily? Or are you a single income family where one partner isn't working for health issues or to raise kids?
I think there's a lot of shame in not having 'enough money', like we're not 'good enough' to generate it. And also a lot of confusion about what to do about it since a person can only work so many jobs, assuming they can find one. And how many of you 'hide' some of the family's finanacial details from your spouse, so that you don't have to listen to their pain or frustration or anger? Or are you robbing peter to pay paul on a regular basis, hoping that tomorrow - tomorrow,
surely - things will get back on track?
I can only speak for myself, but we used credit cards for many years to keep ourselves in what I guess would be a comfortable lower middle class. Not for lavish vacations, no bells and whistles, just to pay those vet bills, go to an out-of-town funeral, the go to emergency card for gas or groceries when cash in hand was depleted. We've always owned a house, but relatively small and definitely nothing fancy. No iPhones, but a cell phone. Not premium cable, but cable nonetheless. But those credit card purchases piled up (hmm, there's that hospital bill because we didn't have insurance when David had his heart issue), those vet bills were enormous (Eva Jean alone was a couple thousand dollars to find out about her inflammatory bowel disease, and there was Toby's congestive heart, and Annabelle's Cushings Disease...), and eventually, we had to file for bankruptcy in 2008 when the bottom fell out of our economy and my husband's 35 year construction career as an expert trim carpenter went right down the toilet (plus, at sixty years old, he was no longer physically able to withstand the toll it was taking on his body).
Well, the point being, we dug ourselves in with nobody pushing us (except the credit card companies!). WE LIVED BEYOND OUR MEANS, though never lavishly or excessively (I always have to point that out), no doubt about it. And a lot of us did, and then the walls came tumbling down. After our bankruptcy, we thought we had learned our lesson. No more debt, no more credit cards. Spend only the money you have. A new beginning, a fresh start. Sounded good and we were hopeful...
until there were no jobs to be found. We now have an income, but it's not enough to keep up. No matter how much I scrimp, we can.not.catch.up. We're behind on taxes because we have to pay self-employment taxes, and I have to decide each month do I take out quarterly taxes or pay the electric and water bills. We're going into August still not having paid July's house payment. The dogs all need heartworm preventative and vet visits. It's time for my thyroid test (oh, did I mention we don't have health insurance?).
I came to the realization the other day that WE WILL NEVER CATCH UP. Seriously. We're in our sixties. Our income, though it will
hopefully become more regular when our economy straightens up, will never be enough to catch up. The back taxes, though we're paying on an installment agreement, will never be paid AND still be able to pay current taxes. The house payment, while relatively low compared to some at $875 a month, will be waaay too much for an elderly couple with no 'retirement savings' in ten years! So. What do we do? Move from a clean little ten year old house (assuming we could even sell it) in a little suburban neighborhood to ...what ? It's incredibly frustrating and scarey. For right now we're robbing peter to pay paul and hoping hoping hoping something good happens. But the frustration is there. And the godawful pain in the gut fear.
I, for one, would be interested in hearing YOUR financial life stories. I know some of the blogs I read have nice houses with nice things and take lots of vacations...are they hurting at all, or have they just not maxed out their credit cards, or are they just incredibly lucky? Are others in our position, broke and in danger of losing the house with another bad month or two? What do you do with your fears?
If you would like to share your story, either as a comment here or on your own post as a guest blogger, then speak up, please! You can comment anonymously if you want, on this topic or any other that comes to mind. If you want to do a post of your own, long or short, one you'd
never think of posting at your own blog, about your financial story or anything else that frustrates you, just let Suz know and we can make you a guest or a team member, and can even do that anonymously by doing a copy/paste of a post for you (we are pleased to present a post by our Anonymous Guest Blogger!).
Here's the thing. One morning you wake up and things just go wrong, maybe seriously wrong, maybe trivially wrong. Maybe it's been a long time coming, maybe it's a sudden occurence, maybe you're just pissed at life, maybe you're just frustrated. You want to talk about it with someone, but you don't want anyone to know how wierd you are or what bad shape you're in, or you are one of those people who simply has no friends or family close enough to talk to. You can come here. You can say whatever you want. Anonymously or not. We don't have to be able to help you or comfort you, but we can listen. And isn't that something we all want, someone to listen to us, no matter how much sense we may be making? No judgements, no criticisms, no analysis, just a good ear. And maybe you'll find out that YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE! Maybe what you're feeling or experiencing is more common than you realize!
Well, we're a work in progress and haven't thought the whole concept out or worked on any kinks. But we'll welcome you joining us on this project. I know there are similar places out there where you are invited to get it off your chest, but this can be
your place, and ours.
And as for my financial story...I'm sure you'll be hearing a lot more about that, as it is
definitely a work in progress!
